A Return Home

If I knew twelve years ago what I do now about my child, I would have handled Santa differently. As it is, I now have a 12 year old boy who still believes in the jolly man in the red suit. While his child-like faith is endearing, I definitely am finding myself in a bit of a pickle this year.

I have been trying to explain the facts about Santa, but to his Aspergerish mind, I am just a great jokester. He refuses to believe the truth, because deep in his heart, and for sure in his head, he knows that Santa is REAL. I appreciate the spirit of Santa, but it would be so much more fun if we could all play Santa in our home.

The problem with Asperger’s is that to an Aspie, things are literal. Trying to undo something from the past can be a bit tricky. If I knew 12 years ago what I do now, I would have developed Santa as a game in our home. I always envisioned that someday we would all play a part in bringing Santa to our home. Trying to get there now is turning out to be trickier than I imagined. Any suggestions??

Photo by (c) johnnyberg, www.sxc.hu

I thought this was a great little reminder that parents are just people. And that we were once little kids ourselves. Do you remember what it was like to be a little kid? When was the last time you thought about it?

Perhaps we should do ourselves and our families a little favor and try to remember what it was like to be a child. Maybe we will be able to better relate to our kids and that can only bring a closeness that needs to be there. Put ourselves in the shoes of our kids and maybe we will be a little less quick to judge and perhaps judge less harshly.

Then again, it may just help us to stay one or two steps ahead of those kids too! Remember what you were thinking at that age and I’ll bet your kids will be surprised. Just a little thought…

I found this to be adorable and I just had to share. I hope that you enjoy it. Kids are so cute!

What, you ask, is “Butt Dust?” Read on and you’ll discover the joy in a
child’s sincere originality. No adults in this!!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister.
After a while, he asked: “Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and
one for cold milk?”

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied
she was so old she didn’t remember any more. Melanie said, “If you don’t
remember, you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.”

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. “I love you so much
that, when you die, I’m going to bury you outside my bedroom window.”

BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in
vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom
explained it was a child-proof cap, and she’d have to open it for her.
Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked, “How does it know it’s me?”

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. “Please don’t
give me this juice again,” she said. “It makes my teeth cough.”

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked, “How much do I cost?”

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that was hugging and kissing
in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad, “Why is he
whispering in her mouth?”

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked
what was troubling him, he replied, “I don’t know what’ll happen with
this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?”

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read, “The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his
wife looked back and was turned to salt.” Concerned, James asked, “What
happened to the flea?”

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly,
rather-wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a
while and then asked, “Why doesn’t your skin fit your face?”

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget … This particular Sunday
sermon … “Dear Lord,” the minister began, with arms extended toward
heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. “Without you,we are
but dust …” He would have continued but, at that moment, my very
obedient daughter, who was listening, leaned over to me and asked
quite audibly in her shrill, little, four-year-old-girl voice, “Mom, what
is butt dust?”

One of the challenges of parenting and dealing with children is discipline. At times it can be difficult to know what to do to rein in a child and help them to mend their ways. The biggest challenge comes from knowing that what works for one child, may not work for the next. The learning curve is steep and constantly changing.

Personally, I love the challenge. I can’t think of a better mental stimulation than staying one or two steps ahead of my child. It keeps things interesting. Although I only have one child of my own, I do work in the children’s program at church each week. There I find a veritable field of choices to make in discipline that is continually creative and unexpected.

Let’s take last week for example. I had a three year old boy lock himself in the girls’ bathroom. The bathroom is made for small children, so everything is much smaller than you would normally find in a public restroom. The song leader had taken him down to use the restroom and within minutes, she had returned with a “Tag, you’re it…”

I went to the restroom to retrieve the child and quickly realized that he had locked both of the stall doors. Have you ever tried reasoning with a 3 year old? It isn’t easy.

I asked him to please come out and he replied with a firm “No!”

I asked again, and he replied, “Go get my mom and dad!”

Now here is where creative discipline can be fun…

“Well, since you want me to get your mom and dad, I’m not going to.”

“Go get them!”

“No. But I will count to three and if you don’t come out, I’m going to climb under the stall.”

“You can’t fit under here. You are too big.”

“No, I’m not. One…”

“Yes you are too big!”

“Two….”

“Get my mom and dad.”

“Three…”
The look on his face was priceless as I slid under the stall. His eyes were as round as the Nerf ball that we was playing with. I calmly took him by the hand, unlocked the door and marched him back down the hall to his class. He asked when he could see his mom and dad and I told him after church.

Another instance was with a boy that was 7 years old. He was acting up and refusing to sit in his chair and listen to his teacher. I chatted with him for a few minutes and discovered that something he would really like was to receive a letter in the mail. I made a deal with him that if he would behave for the rest of church that day, that I would write and mail him a letter. He was angelic as a 7 year old boy can possibly be the rest of the day.

Creative parenting and discipline is simply learning how to listen to your children. Then once you are inside of their heads and how they think, coming up with a solution that they will least expect. Then you must always follow through. It is fun. It is challenging. Most important of all…it works. Every time.

As parents we have a tendency to set boundaries for our children. We do this because we want the best for them. Often we set them as a form of protection. But it is always out of love for our children that we set them. However, do our children know and understand how to respect the boundaries of other people? Do they understand how to set their own boundaries with others? And do they know how to do all of this without offending anyone?

Learning to respect the boundaries and personal space of other people has been a long and drawn out battle with my son. He tends to want to be loving to everyone and doesn’t always understand that not everyone likes the constant physical contact, and that at times it is not appropriate. But yesterday found him on the other side of the fence as a younger girl tried to initiate a display of affection that he was not comfortable with. Her mother made her apologize to him.

I find myself in the unique position of saying,”See,that is what I am talking about. That is how other people feel when you do this or that.” But I also feel empathy for him. Aggressive members of the opposite sex aren’t always fun to deal with, especially when you are just 11 years old. So what is the answer to teaching your child respect for boundaries? I am sure it will be an ever changing answer as he grows and continues to learn and as I grow and learn in this journey called parenthood.

Photo by Genevieve Cooper

So I have recently been reminded (and alarmed) that the rate of speed that a boy grows is not even remotely consistent with any sense of normal. My child has not only gotten taller these past few weeks, but his shoulders have broadened at an alarming rate and he skipped two sizes of clothing when it comes to shirts. Frankly, he is currently built like an ape. A long upper body with broad shoulders and I swear his legs haven’t grown at the same speed. It appears that his height has come from the waist up this time.

At eleven years of age, he is currently at my nose in height. I am a “stellar” 5’5” in height and while that may be fairly average, in my family I am one of the tallest girls. I am having to buy shirts in a medium to large adult size in order to fit his shoulders. I hold up the shirt in the store and think there is no way that huge shirt is gonna fit my little boy. Then I get home and it does, but I know that it won’t be for long if he continues to grow at the same rate. I am shocked by how the shirt looks when he is wearing it. It doesn’t look so big.

My husband was alarmed the other day when he found the milk jug in the refrigerator half empty. He commented that He had just opened it that morning and had had one glass. I didn’t bat an eye and said, “Well the boy is currently going through a growth spurt. It will slow down when he quits growing for a moment.” Three gallons of milk later, he has slowed down to an acceptable pace. I feel fortunate. Last time it was about six gallons.

Although my baby was average in size when I gave birth to him, I am only just now realizing that I actually gave birth to a giant. The package was deceptive. He will probably turn out to look like someone I wouldn’t want to meet up with in a dark alley. However, he has a heart of gold and a deep and caring compassion for other people. He also has a sense of humor and wants to draw comic strips when he grows up. Yet another facet of the old adage that appearances can be deceiving! Hopefully he won’t continue to grow up too fast and I can still enjoy the child in him as he journeys to becoming a man.

How do you deal with your kids growing up too fast?

Photo by Malinda Welte

These past two weeks have found me trying a new approach to our home schooling program. We were beginning to get a little burnt out with all of the requirements set forth by our Virtual Academy. There was so much to do every single day and while my son was learning loads of new things, we were feeling extremely pressured and learning wasn’t as fun anymore. I was often inundated with complaints of “How much more till I’m free?” Sometimes at the beginning of the day!

I decided to “withhold” school a bit and see what happened. I have heard of the benefits of deschooling your child, but frankly, it scared me clear to death! What if he never wanted to learn? What would I do, then?

I have been pleasantly surprised by the turnout of this short experiment. The first day, all he did was play, play and then play some more. The next day found him reading his books a bit more, but playing all the same. He loves to read, so I wasn’t too surprised by his choosing to do a little reading amongst the playing. This continued on for a few days. Toward the end of the week, I saw him take out his history book and log in to the online school. He spent about 4 hours learning in history and then was done for the day.

The next few days found him online researching and learning about various subjects. He spent a lot of time learning about insects and bugs. He also spent a little time learning about bones. I never said anything to him about it this entire time.

We added in a few lessons this week, but kept up the very laidback pace. Imagine my surprise yesterday, when I received an email across the room from him. He wanted to know “when” we were gong to do “REAL” school. I asked him if he missed doing all that we had been doing. He responded with a huge YES. HE asked to go back to the learning packed schedule we had been keeping before. There is an enthusiasm to learn that wasn’t there before and I am looking forward to the difference this will make as we comply with our learning choice. I guess that even a brief period of deschooling will do wonders for everyone, and I don’t find it nearly as scary as I did before. What do you think about it?

Photo by Brenda Emmett

Do we ever really quit learning? I think that for most of us, the answer would be a resounding NO! Even when we are in environments that we wouldn’t think to be conducive to learning, it is still possible to find something to learn about. Take our first week of April for example…

We were officially on our Spring Break for our school. This was to be a time of fun and excitement. Organized learning would be put off for an entire week. I’m not sure who was more excited, me or the boy. Taking a break is good for the soul and we all need it from time to time. We chose to go with my hubby and the boy’s dad on a business trip. He would work and we would play. It would be fun.

We boarded the dog, caught a plane and flew to the Oregon coast for the week. While dad made business calls, we played and lounged around the pool. It was nice. We didn’t miss school those first couple of days.

However, by the end of the week, I was finding learning opportunities all around us and we investigated. We talked about the Lewis and Clark Trail and reviewed what we had learned in History this year. We took in some science when we visited an Aquarium. We also talked about the ocean and what we had learned this past fall about them. We reviewed health each time we discussed making good and healthy food choices from the menus when we ate.

We discovered that even when learning isn’t organized, we can still have engaging conversations that have to do with education. So, although we were on a break, we still learned quite a bit.

How do you incorporate learning in those informal moments? Or do you feel learning only belongs in a formal classroom? I would love to hear your ideas and comments!

Photo by Brenda Emmett

Perhaps one of the funnest things that I choose to do in our homeschool is declare a Jammie Day. This is simply a day where I declare that we will stay in our pajamas all day long as we work through our school work. While it is perhaps unconventional in nature, it is a day we all look forward to.

I am often asked, “Can today be a jammie day, please?” I often say no. Why would I do that if it is such a fun day? I do it so that it remains special. If we did it too often, then it would become a normal thing and would surely become mundane over time.

Why does my son love it so much? Well, that is a great question. I think perhaps it is because he knows that none of his friends who attend public school can have such a day. We spend a lot of time giggling as we work on our school work. Everything becomes just a little more fun. We feel silly and we act silly.

Sometimes I choose to have jammie day along with another theme, such as Reading day. This is a day that we spend cuddled up with a blanket and pillow and read a book or several books all day long. It just makes everything seem new and fun.

Once in awhile I have been known to call a jammie day during the middle of our school day when things seem just a little tougher than normal. There is quite the element of surprise when I announce that it is time to go get into your pj’s and it is only 11:00 in the morning. It seems to make the tougher subjects go just a little easier. The learning is completed and faces are happy. That makes the day that was difficult perhaps just a little more pleasant for all.

We have many fun things that we do in our homeschool to liven up our days. Jammie day is perhaps one of our very favorites. Which days are the tried and true favorites in your homeschool? Do you do anything extra fun?

Photo by Phaedra

One of the most difficult things that we have to deal with as parents is finding snacks for our kids. We want the snack to be kid-friendly and still be healthy. Our kids want sugar. Too often we give in and that contributes to the problem we are having with obesity in children. So what can we do to make a snack that is easy, kid-friendly and healthy?

I like to offer my son a variety of snacks to choose from. I keep individual portions of pretzels (in snack-sized Ziploc bags), tubes of yogurt, string cheese, fresh fruit, veggies and dip. He loves having a choice and I can feel good about what he is eating.

Sometimes I will give him an assortment of fresh fruit that is cut up and he will make fruit-kebabs. He then likes to dip the fruit in yogurt. It satisfies his sweet-tooth. He loves dipping baby carrots in some low-fat ranch dressing. He loves grabbing a string cheese and a baggie of pretzels.

We try to avoid the sugared fruit drinks and soda pop. We like to drink water around here. But, on occasion, I will have some Crystal Light or Sugar-Free Koolaid in the fridge and he’ll have a glass of that with his snack. If he is lacking in dairy portions, then he’ll have a glass of low-fat milk.

I have found that when I limit the choices to healthy foods, then I don’t get complaints. It was a little difficult to implement at first, but he decided that some sort of snack was better than no snack. What are some other ideas that you have for healthy snacks for kids?

Photo by Jade